Dumbledore's Man Through and Through

This post will have lots of Harry Potter in it. But let's get the boring stuff outta the way first, shall we?
I finished my Shakespeare paper about four and a half minutes ago. Ms. T's comments about Othello may have inspired me, because I wrote about how the women in Much Ado About Nothing know what's up and the women in Othello are useless sacks of carrot peelings and as such all the women get what's coming to them. Sorta. I dunno. Anyway, I'm gonna re-read that paper later today and send it off and yay me. Jump?

Jump.
Other boring things. Mmmm. Learned about stuff in my other classes. Oh, back to lit. We're now three books into Paradise Lost and it is preposterously cool. There's Satan and he's in Hell and he gives speeches and all the demon people argue about whether or not they should try to invade Heaven ('cause God just booted them down) and this one demon guy (Molech? Is that his name? Moloch maybe.) argues that they should all round up and attack heaven, but then this other dude named Belial gives a whole bunch of reasons why Heaven is too strong. Like, a bunch of reasons.

I didn't really expect this picture to exist. It's too perfect.

None of which are the following.
Something about its black gates being guarded by more than just orcs, and there being evil (good?) there that does not sleep, and the great eye (God?) being ever watchful, and a bit about a barren wasteland riddled with fire and ash and dust, and he might have said the very air you breathe is a poisonous fume, and he definitely capped it off with something along the lines of, not with ten thousand men (fallen angels) could you do this. It is folly.
Also, Paradise Lost is cool 'cause Milton writes some crazy descriptions of crazy places. Like these, from Book II:

II. 582-594

II. 618-628

Anyway, Milton's cool. But kinda crazy religious. Also, his mind is oceanic, according to our professor.

Alright, enough of this devilry. Last week, Rachael suggested that "[w]e should rank the HP books" (Somerville, 2013). So we should, and I shall. First, a few things.
1. If you're some rando who has found this page somewhere in the void of the internet, and you haven't read Harry Potter, be warned that ye be entering the land of spoilers. Or at least I assume that I'll be writing about some. I only say this because spoilers suck, and maybe the biggest concern I have in my entire existence is that my kids will know that ——— dies before they pick up the first book.
2. This discussion doesn't have anything to do with my week at college, and I know that my week at college is the whole point of this blog, but I don't think anyone cares. I'm just being self-self-aware here.
3. Everyone reading should know this, but the following discussion is completely book-based. The movies have nothing to do with anything. They suck. I'm still convinced that films Four and Eight were jokes. As in, the director and his people got together and decided to make the worst possible adaptation and see if anyone noticed.
4. [Edited in later] I changed the order of both lists quite a bit while writing them, which means they're likely to change in my head between now and when you read them. Don't hold me to them.

Let's get one with it now. I have two lists, both in ascending order. Don't pick one apart until you've read both.

List the First: Books I Considered My Favorite Upon Immediate Completion, or How Much I Liked Them the First Time I Read Them

7. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Keep in mind that this is more of my seventh-favorite than it is my least favorite, much in the same way that Two Towers is my third favorite rather than my least favorite. I loved this book, but the time turner thing really didn't sit well with me. Time travel creates a plot hole for every plot development, and because of this one book, we really just had to pretent time turners never existed for the rest of the series. This bugged me then and it bugs me now. Aside from the time issue, however, PA had some great parts. The Sirius mystery was one of the best in the series, the Marauder's Map and the Hogsmeade tunnels added immensely to the already overwhelming sense of I-want-to-go-to-Hogwarts-now, and with Lupin Rowling introduced one of my favorite characters in the series. Like each of the seven books, PA added to our knowledge of pre-Harry Hogwarts history, but this book had some of the most important things to say about Harry's dad and his friends. One funny little problem that has been pointed out to me only recently: Fred and George should have seen Ron sleeping with a strange man named Peter Pettigrew when they had the Map. It's a little bit absurd to think that they never would have looked at the Gryffindor dormitories.

6. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Again, this book is only ranked so poorly because the series was just that good. OF was obviously the longest of the seven, and as such it had the most Hogwarts shenanigans. Which means it really should have been my favorite, because Hogwarts shenanigans are what made this series so great, or at least a huge part of it. OF had the most subplots of any of the seven books, and it had by far the best villain in Umbridge. She remains to this day one of the best villains I've ever read. You hated Umbridge more than you hated Snape, Voldemort, and Bellatrix put together when you read this book. And that chapter near the very end called "The Lost Prophecy" is one of the best chapter in the entire series. All of this, and yet OF is still my sixth favorite? Problem was the various subplots and mini-dramas never really came together. There were these great moments, especially the formation of Dumbledore's Army, and the Umbridge-McGonagall interactions were pure gold, but the Sirius dream thing kinda came out of nowhere — okay, sure groundwork had been laid with the occlumens deal — and all of the sudden everything went to hell. On top of that, Harry was at his absolute most unlikable throughout the entire book. Very different than most of the other books, where we find ourselves rooting for him the entire time.

5. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's (Sorcerer's) Stone
Man did I ever love this book. This is the one that hooked all of us, myself included, on Harry Potter. The biggest thing here is the newness of everything. Every time you turn the page, you see some unbelievably imaginative magical solution that Rowling has devised for some perfectly mundane fact of life. After a few hundred very short pages, we will never look at owls, candy, pictures, brooms, keys, chess pieces, or staircases the same way again. This is the book that made us all say, Damn, my school sucks. And the characters jumped to life better than any that I had read at the time, especially the Dursleys and Hagrid.

4. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
I know, I know. This one is ranked ridiculously high. I really, really liked it the first time I read it, and only after I finished the series did I realize that CS essentially copies the formula that worked so well in PS. What I have to say in this book's defense: People forget how dark it gets. This is the closest Hogwarts ever comes to shutting down. Dumbledore is gone, Ginny is feared dead, Quidditch is canceled (NOOOOO!), and Hermione gets petrified. This is the only book of the seven that gave me nightmares, the only one that I wouldn't put down not just because it was good, but because I was afraid of the dreams I would have if I stopped reading. Something slithering through the walls of my house, whispering to me . . . Not fun. Lockhart, Dobby, and Lucius all did their jobs as new characters, and the Harry-Ron-Hermione trio got better.

3. Harry Potter and Half-Blood Prince

HBP balanced lighthearted Hogwarts tomfoolery with external doom and gloom better than any other book. Outside of DH, the series is never darker than it is here, and yet we get to see Hogwarts as alive as its ever been. What really makes this book special, though, is the ending. Once Harry and Dumbledore leave Hogwarts to go looking for the horcrux, Rowling proves that she can write adventure-horror-hope-despair as well as anyone. It is impossible to read any part of the last six chapters and not finish the book, no matter how many times you've read it before; at that point, it is impossible not to turn into an emotional wreck.

2. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Everything good about Harry Potter is in this book. Hogwarts ridiculousness, absurd new characters (especially Moody, Crouch Sr., and Karkaroff), high-level Quidditch, Ron-Hermione tension (Yule Ball), Care of Magical Creatures, Dumbledorisms, and scary Voldemort stuff. Most of the books pack all their excitement and fear into the last few chapters, but GF and DH are the only two that spread the action throughout the book. It's pretty lighthearted throughout most of the plot, but the end is more tragic than that of any of the previous books, and it sets the tone for the darkness that pervades the rest of the series.

1. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
It seemed like every chapter of this book contained at least one IS THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENING? moment. While reading it for the first time, I was like NOT HAGRID, NOT HAGRID, HAGRID IS NOT ALLOWED TO DIE and then I was like OKAY WE ALL KNEW MOODY HAD TO DIE BUT HOT DAMN THIS IS HAPPENING FAST and then I was like OH MY SWEET JESUS THE MINISTRY HAS FALLEN, SCRIMGEOUR IS DEAD AND THEY ARE COMING THE WORLD IS ENDING HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE and then I was like BATTLE IN A MUGGLE RESTAURANT WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO and then I was like GUYS I KNEW WHO R.A.B. WAS I'M THE BEST and then I was like WHOA KREACHER YOU'RE THE MAN AND SO IS REGULUS and then I was like HOLY BELUGAS THEY'RE INSIDE THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC AND NOBODY KNOWS IT HOW ARE THEY DOING THIS and then I was like UMBRIDGE UMBRIDGE UMBRIDGE KILL THAT BITCH and then I was like OKAY YOU DIDN'T KILL UMBRIDGE BUT YOU'RE ALIVE AND I'LL TAKE THAT and then I was like WHOA GODRIC'S HOLLOW I ACTUALLY HAVE A CHILL RUNNING UP MY SPINE BECAUSE I CANNOT BELIEVE WE'RE ACTUALLY HERE and then I was like IT'S NAGINI! GET THE FIZZLESTICKS OUT OF THERE VOLDEMORT'S COMING DID YOU HEAR ME VOLDEMORT'S COMING
CAN THIS BE HAPPENING moment. At first I was like THE LAST TIME I'LL EVER SEE THE DURSLEYS HOW CAN THIS BE HAPPENING and then I was like HEDWIG I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU and then I was like
and then I was like GRINDELWALD PEOPLE, DON'T YOU REMEMBER HIM FROM BOOK ONE 'CAUSE I DO and then I was like NICE PATRONUS SECRET DUDE WHO'S IDENTITY IS A SECRET and then I was like REALLY, THAT'S THE DEATHLY HALLOWS? MOST DISAPPOINTING CHAPTER EVER AFTER BEING CALLED SOMETHING THAT SOUNDS SO IMPORTANT and then I was like MALFOY MANOR, THEY'RE INSIDE MALFOY MANOR! WE'VE BEEN HEARING ABOUT THIS PLACE SINCE BOOK TWO AND THEY'RE FINALLY HERE AND OH MY GOODNESS DOBBY JUST —wait, I never liked Dobby that much anyway. And then I was like SHELL COTTAGE, YOU ARE GREAT AND ALL BUT THIS HAS GOT TO GET MOVING and then I was like HOW ON EARTH ARE THEY GOING TO GET OUT OF GRINGOTTS? THERE IS LITERALLY NO WAY THEY CAN ESCA —GOOD GOD THEY'RE GOING TO RIDE A DRAGON and then I was like THERE ARE TEN MILLION DEMENTORS  FOLLOWING YOU GUYS RIGHT NOW and then I was like HOGWARTS TIME! HOGWARTS TIME! and then I was like WAY TO GO HARRY YOU SHOW THAT DEATH EATER WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE MEAN TO PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL and then I was like WAY TO GO MCGONAGALL YOU SHOW SNAPE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE SNAPE and then I was like HOGWARTS BATTLE AAAAUUUUUUGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
 and then I was like THEY TOTALLY JUST WENT INTO THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS AND NOBODY NOTICED and then I was like YEAH PERCY and then I was like FRED! and then I was like HOGWARTS IS ON FIRE AND EITHER CRABBE OR GOYLE JUST DIED BUT I CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH ONE and then I was like OH SO THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING. GOOD ONE SNAPE and then I was like IT'S DUMBLEDORE TIME (and it was) and then I was like HAGRID, HE'S STILL ALIVE. DON'T WORRY HAGRID THERE'S A CHANCE and then I was like MOLLY WEASLEY IS MY MASTER NOW and then I was like, Nice one Harry, you got him good. And then I was like MY CHILDHOOD IS NOW OVER.
In short, DH had too many awesome moments. Too many. People complained about too much time in tents, but that never bothered me, maybe because I was too busy thinking about the fact that the world was ending while they were in tents. I though enough was going on.

List the Second: What I Now Consider To Be The BEST Books. This is the list you should judge me on. Chapters in bold take their place in the pantheon of my all time favorite chapters.

7. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
While still wildly entertaining, CS did the least to move the series forward. The plot structure was largely the same as that of the first book, and one of the characters who proved most vital to the plot of this book and indeed of the entire series (Ginny) proved to be one of the least complex and developed. Actually, Ginny is one of my biggest problems with the series. All we really know about her, even DH, is that she is brave and loyal and attractive and she casts a mean bat-bogey hex. Yet she turns into the biggest person in Harry's life, post-series.
Best chapters: Gilderoy Lockhart, The Very Secret Diary, Cornelius Fudge, Aragog, The Chamber of Secrets, The Heir of Slytherin

6. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
This one is ranked poorly in this list for the same reason it is ranked poorly in the other: too many great subplots that never intertwine the way they do so expertly in the other books. That, and Harry is annoying. But Umbridge is the perfect villain, don't doubt that for a second. And Sirius performs splendidly in his reemergence after a quiet Book Four.
Best chapters: The Hogwarts High Inquisitor, Dumbledore's Army, Hagrid's Tale, The Centaur and the Sneak, Career Advice, The Department of Mysteries, Beyond the Veil, The Lost Prophecy

5. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
PA experiences a little jump from my first list to this one, maybe because I didn't realize how good the plot was when I first read it. The time turner issue is still something to worry about, but it shouldn't get in the way of how good this book is. It also shouldn't get in the way of how good that time turner adventure is. It's one of the premier heartpounding action scenes of the first half of the series, and to ignore it just because the time turner creates an issue would be a disservice to Rowling's writing. Like CS, PA has a certain darkness over it, what with the dementors and the constant fear of Sirius Black. But it does a better job than perhaps any other book of flipping the mystery on its head, and we learn a ton about the generation that came before Harry. On the downside, this is perhaps the least Dumbledore-infested book. He simply doesn't do a whole lot it in. But we get plenty of Lupin, and we get a lot of good Snape stuff too, which is easy to forget because he's in all the books.
Best chapters: The Dementor; The Marauder's Map; Professor Trelawney's Prediction; Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs; Hermione's Secret

4. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Ranking DH so low seems a little odd, and it feels odd. After all, I did just declare it my favorite book on the previous list. Trouble is, there are problems with it. The ending, which at first I though was so perfect, isn't quite as good upon deeper reflection. The wand-swapping extravaganza that has apparently been taking place for hundreds of years comes out of nowhere, which would be a lot less problematic if not for the fact that it is precisely that wand-swapping that leads to the the resolution of the final climactic encounter. The other thing that bites me about DH is the casual way in which Rowling says goodbye to all of her characters who are not Harry, Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore, Voldemort, Snape, and Dudley. The number of significant characters in this series is staggering, so it would be too much to ask for a good last line/scene for each of them, but I can't help but feel that a few very important people got shafted a little. These include Lupin, Arthur, McGonagall, Luna, Umbridge, and Neville. I realize, of course, that Neville got a great final act, but I don't think he ever really pow-wowed with Harry and Co. after the fact. And then there's Hagrid. He plays a central role in the very last scene, right before Voldemort's last death, but like Neville he doesn't have a presence after that. Hagrid deserved another hug, at the very least. Maybe he got one and I just don't remember, in which case he deserved two. And then there's that King's Cross chapter. That is either one of the best chapters in the series or one of the worst, I'm just not sure which. It does end with a world-class Dumbledorism, though.
Best chapters: The Seven Potters, The Wedding, Kreacher's Tale, Bathilda's Secret, The Silver Doe, Gringotts, The Forest Again, The Prince's Tale, The Flaw in the Plan

3. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's (Sorcerer's) Stone
Everything in this book is original. I mentioned a number of the fantasy trappings in the last list, but part of what makes this introductory volume so good is how Rowling writes her characters. She gives us Harry's insight into the Dursley's, Hagrid, Ron, and Hermione, and throughout the book we get a better picture of Harry himself.
Best chapters: The Letters From No One, The Potions Master, Halloween, The Mirror of Erised, Nicolas Flamel Through the Trapdoor

2. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

GF is number two on this list for many of the same reasons it's number two on the other list. It's jam-packed with entertaining subplots and exciting surprises, but unlike OP, which is also packed with that stuff, GF all comes together in the end. The tournament, the Cup, the dreams, the scar, the Voldemort, the Moody, the Cedric — they all make sense of each other at the end of this book. The first chapter is a big departure from what we expected going in, but it becomes o so very relevant over the course of the story. And nothing doesn't fit. Things that seem random — the first chapter, the Quidditch World Cup, the weird things Bagman and Crouch do together and separately, the relationships between various students and adults from the three schools, and Snape Snape Snape (watch everything he does and think about it in context of what you know from Books 6 and 7) — they all matter. And Rowling drops that subtle hint at the very end of the book: "a gleam of something like triumph in Dumbledore's eyes". Important for DH. Anyway. GF. Great book. The Yule Ball is a great scene where we see the fruits of three books' worth of character development turn into something, and of course that something is also more character development. Lots going on here, and very well held together. Poor Cedric.
Best chapters: The Riddle House; The Unforgivable Curses; The Yule Ball; The Third Task; Flesh, Blood, and Bone; Veritaserum; The Parting of the Ways

1. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Yes, I really have come to believe that the sixth book is the best of the lot. As I mentioned before, no book is better at intertwining the day-to-day charm of life at Hogwarts with the darker themes of the series. There is a war going on outside the walls of the castle, and eventually that war gets inside, despite what should be impossible-to-breach defenses. We learn a lot about Voldemort and Snape in this book, we see Draco Malfoy develop into a more complete character than he's ever been, and Slughorn joins the ranks of Snape, Lockhart, Lupin, and Umbridge as one of the most interesting and entertaining professors, outside of Dumbledore, of course. Ah, Dumbledore. In HBP, we get to know Dumbledore better than ever. OP ended with his very serious conversation with Harry, and since then the two of them talk as equals, and indeed act as equals (of course, in DH we learn that Dumby still had a few tricks up his sleeves that he never told Harry about). Also gratifying about this book is the progression of Ron and Hermione. HBP ranks right up there with GF and DH in terms of the books that do the best job with these two ultra-important characters. And like GF, it starts out with a rather unexpected first chapter. My one complaint, again, is the shallowness of Ginny's character. But all nitpicks can be cast aside for the finale of HBP. The end of this book — the whole end, not just the resolution — may be the best writing Rowling has ever produced.
Best chapters: The Other Minister, Horace Slughorn, The Secret Riddle, Horcruxes, The Seer Overheard, The Cave, The Lightning-Struck Tower, The Phoenix Lament

Those are my lists. What do yours look like?