Back in the US(SR)

Low res view of the quad. Snow.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything substantive here, and I’m sorry.  But Read more » and then you'll be all caught up.

Aren't I fancy?

A few updates in my life.

Recreational Books in Progress- The Fault in Our Stars, John Green; The Phantom Tollbooth, Norton Juster.

Age- 20.926

Most overly-used word in this blog post: challeng(e/ing).

Classes- I am taking two capstones, because I am crazy.  A lot of people don’t know what capstones are.  Fellow college students probably do, but anyway: a capstone is a class that you take on with all the awesome things you’ve learned about your specialty throughout the (supposed) four years you’ve spent at college.  I am the youngest student in both classes (there are two other juniors in my ENVS-596 Climate, Economics, and Risk class) and the only person I’ve met attempting to do two capstones at one time.  It has been challenging.

High art shot of railroad tracks in Greensboro.

My other capstone, "Sustainable Development: Greensboro, NC" is incredibly awesome.  We are in a national competition to economically redesign Greensboro in a more sustainable fashion.  It has been designated a “distressed city.”  Out of fifty-one teams competing, we’re the only one comprised of students.  Our professor is a working architect and total inspiration.  A few weeks ago, we ventured to North Carolina and spent an intense forty-eight hours surveying/exploring/dining in the city and developing our ideas.  Wow, is this class cool.  But challenging and thought-provoking.

I am also in a Yoga class, which is heavenly and perhaps keeping me sane.

My three other classes: Economics of Environmental Policy, Third World Cities, and Introduction to Creative Writing.  I very much don’t like the first class.  The second class has a service learning element to it which has been very rewarding.  Last week I bought a homeless man lunch (on an assignment), and I’ve now become involved with the movement against gentrification happening in the city (talk about tough and uncomfortable but totally rewarding).  On Tuesday, I’m visiting a juvenile detention center and participating in a writing workshop with incarcerated youth.  Creative Writing is good.  A girl said I left her “speechless with [my] ingenuity and bravery” with my short story.  That was nice.  It was an adaptation of “My Plain Name,” which I posted here long ago.  Expanding that to seven pages was a challenge but totally strengthened the piece.

***

An example of my homemade crepes. The rotation is 90° wrong.

Adjusting from Spain to my American workload has been a challenge for me.  I’ve got six classes (yes, Yoga counts), two jobs, a leadership position in my fraternity, and I live a mile away from campus.  I have found myself very low on motivation.  I love living in my apartment, which has become a primary source of happiness, baked goods, dinner parties, debates, and existential crises.  In the span of one week, I had very serious conversations about: getting an MFA, JD, or MPA; taking a year off of school before graduation; spending a summer in Ireland writing instead of getting a “real job”; whether foreign aid is as beneficial as we all think; our role in slowing the global environmental crisis; racial stereotypes that bar me from being trusted by minority D.C. residents in my service learning project; and, scariest of all, the material that will be in our impending standup comedy routine. 

Needless to say, I have been questioning my future and my place in the world on a daily basis and will continue to do so for some time.  Let’s be real for a second—I’ve worked hard to prepare myself for a variety of jobs after graduation.  There are jobs in many sectors of the economy and many countries of the world that I have am qualified for, through consistent and diverse employment; two distinct majors; and extracurriculars, particularly my leadership positions and hundreds of volunteer hours.  The good of this is that I probably won’t starve to death.  The bad of this is that I have so many options that choosing a niche scares me.  Yes, I know the first job is not going to determine the entirety of my career and it’s a good problem to have.  But it is something.  The other bad of this is that I work way too much and I am so ready for a breather.

My new little buddy.

But I am happy.  I am, by nature, a happy person.  I laugh when the freezing shower water hits me, when the sun shines on my face, when I listen to “Newborn” by Elbow, when I get an email from Luna, when I make crepes for my roommates and they like them.  That list is not supposed to be poetic, it’s just illustrating that I am easily pleased.  I am a happiness whore in that way.  But I won’t fake you out and I won’t buy into the mentalities that tell us we can always be happy, that everyday can be a good day.  That’s a lie and it encourages people to deny their true range of feelings.  I also won’t tell you that “everything happens for a reason,” or that sunsets are proof of God’s existence, or that love will always find a way.  I am happy, and sometimes I have to be happy against the world’s better judgment.  I am a happiness pioneer that sometimes comes up against the world's cold, heartless frontiers and blazes a begrudging, bitchy happiness despite it all.  I am happy, but I am burnt out in school and the part of me that doesn’t care about consequences wants nothing more than to get in a car (or recreate the Oregon Trail, my lifelong aspiration) and drive/wagon very far away, maybe all the way to California or New Zealand or Hogwarts.  However far six oxen and one horse can get me and my fifty-seven pounds of potatoes.

But I will be in California in a few short weeks (oxen willing), and I’ll be bringing Eleanor with me, and that will be a nice respite (assuming no one gets cholera).

I hope everyone has been perusing Derek’s other blog.  I kind of forgot about it until he reminded me.  Nice pictures, precious.

You are all beautiful and kind and worthy of love.

-Rachael