So I'm back in California. I arrived home at about eleven pm on Friday and then proceeded to sleep for the next 12 hours.
Saturday I did not go outside. I feel like I hadn't done that in a while, so it was a good change of pace from college life.
Uuuuh, I took a shower without shoes on? And a bath also without shoes on?
Seriously, guys, I've got nothing.
No, no I can do this.
My mom is constantly talking about how mature the other blog writers on this site are, and how you guys write so eloquently and understand the world at a deeper level than most kids do at our age (although we prefer the term young adults, right? Or is that just me? It sort of reminds me of teenage "Young Adult" novels, though. Which may or may not be a guilty pleasure of mine. JOHN GREEN IS AN EXCELLENT WRITER, OKAY?!).
But I feel like I have never written a post on par with such descriptions because my posts are more of a rehashing of my week without any analysis about my life. I guess it's because I'm not comfortable delving deep into my psyche and then posting it on the internet, and every Wednesday writing a post seems more like a chore than something that challenges me to look at my life with a more critical lens. Maybe it's because my life isn't as interesting as I'd like it to be, so I just vomit out my weekly schedule and go back to scrolling through Tumblr. Maybe I'm just a bit too lazy, which I will admit is a large part of every problem I have.
I feel like this post is supposed to be about how thankful I am because tomorrow is Thanksgiving. And I'm very, genuinely thankful. I could write about all the things I appreciate, but we all know what the list would be, right? Friends, family, health, being able to go to a good school, having the funds to do what I want and need, all of these things. It feels a bit contrived, considering it's prompted by a holiday, especially since the holiday is celebrating mass genocide and disrespect of human rights that we still see to this day. But we knew I was going to say that, right? Because that's what the social justice people say every year with a smirk and a general air of self satisfaction for being the first one to bring up the obvious fact that this holiday is actually about a horrific event, morphed into a day celebrating thankfulness. I don't know, I would say we shouldn't celebrate it at all, but I think for the most part the Holiday has sort of shook of its origin story like how Christmas is becoming less and less of a religious Holiday.
I've been thinking a lot about the origin story of Thanksgiving and the continuation of infringement of rights when it comes to Indigenous people. Mostly because I'm taking a class where the professor's sole purpose is to teach us about the monstrosities that have and still occur in this world when people from "developed" areas decide they really like the land the "primitive" folk just happen to be squatting on, and other scenarios like that. It's made me really really angry at the world to the point where I'm so overwhelmed with disgust that I can't really do anything. Which is counter intuitive, I know.
I'm thinking of maybe becoming and Environmental or International Human Rights lawyer just so I can yell at the people who are doing such horridly idiotic and cruel things to the world, and then trying to solve for the problems they've (we've?) created. But who knows, maybe I only want to do this because I'm taking a class on it, just like when I took a class on how horrific human consumerism was and then I wanted to live off the grid and have a job trying to somehow decrease mass production and consumption of non degradable, toxic materials (I still sort of want to do that). Maybe my great "passion" about this injustice will change once I take another class on another topic. I remind myself of that minor character in "Good Will Hunting" who spouts off whatever he is reading or whatever his professor says in his class as if it's his own opinion but it'll change once he gets into an upper-level class and learns a different philosophy to spout about. I get that we're all still humans in the making, but everything just feels sort of faked because no one really knows what they're doing but they pretend like they do because everyone else is doing the same (welcome to debate, I guess). If they do actually know, great for them, I suppose.
What was I talking about?
I don't know if I'm self aware or just unnecessarily cynical. Usually I'm not like this, I suppose. I just wanted to not write about my week and this came out of my finger tips. Life is great though, actually.
I've been having an excellent time shopping for Christmas presents with my mom (presents I pretty much get now but pretend like they're for Christmas but then never actually have any gifts for Christmas. A DANSER TRADITION!). One of my best friends is all about style and fashion, so she's been rubbing off on me and I'm starting to get a very interesting wardrobe. I'm sort of excited about it, I might start a silly style blog on tumblr about my adventures in hand-me-downs and thrift store shopping (Derek, it's not what it looks like. Stop judging me, it's a form of art! Oh god, I'm sorry for caring about clothing!). Mostly I just want to take pictures with my new camera (which I still need to get an SD card for...) and thought making people model clothing for me would be a hoot (It's all about the imbalance of power, baby).
Okay, this was probably the most rambling, angst filled post I have made as of yet, but I'm just gonna let it slide.
Time for bed (or watching television with the sister...).
Your pal,
Nicole
I'm thinking of maybe becoming and Environmental or International Human Rights lawyer just so I can yell at the people who are doing such horridly idiotic and cruel things to the world, and then trying to solve for the problems they've (we've?) created. But who knows, maybe I only want to do this because I'm taking a class on it, just like when I took a class on how horrific human consumerism was and then I wanted to live off the grid and have a job trying to somehow decrease mass production and consumption of non degradable, toxic materials (I still sort of want to do that). Maybe my great "passion" about this injustice will change once I take another class on another topic. I remind myself of that minor character in "Good Will Hunting" who spouts off whatever he is reading or whatever his professor says in his class as if it's his own opinion but it'll change once he gets into an upper-level class and learns a different philosophy to spout about. I get that we're all still humans in the making, but everything just feels sort of faked because no one really knows what they're doing but they pretend like they do because everyone else is doing the same (welcome to debate, I guess). If they do actually know, great for them, I suppose.
What was I talking about?
I don't know if I'm self aware or just unnecessarily cynical. Usually I'm not like this, I suppose. I just wanted to not write about my week and this came out of my finger tips. Life is great though, actually.
I've been having an excellent time shopping for Christmas presents with my mom (presents I pretty much get now but pretend like they're for Christmas but then never actually have any gifts for Christmas. A DANSER TRADITION!). One of my best friends is all about style and fashion, so she's been rubbing off on me and I'm starting to get a very interesting wardrobe. I'm sort of excited about it, I might start a silly style blog on tumblr about my adventures in hand-me-downs and thrift store shopping (Derek, it's not what it looks like. Stop judging me, it's a form of art! Oh god, I'm sorry for caring about clothing!). Mostly I just want to take pictures with my new camera (which I still need to get an SD card for...) and thought making people model clothing for me would be a hoot (It's all about the imbalance of power, baby).
Okay, this was probably the most rambling, angst filled post I have made as of yet, but I'm just gonna let it slide.
Time for bed (or watching television with the sister...).
Your pal,
Nicole
Being a lawyer would be cool. I've thought about it but dismissed it because law school is expensive. But I will probably end up taking the GREs and the LSATs when I graduate in case I ever end up wanting to go to grad/law school (or get money to do one of those things), because I figure senior year of college is when I'll perform the highest on them.
ReplyDeleteDo whatever you want and don't worry about Derek. That mantra has gotten me far in life.
I also love YA novels and know that G.W. Hunting character. Very funny. I think you're smarter than Blond Ponytail.
Yeah, Law school is not only expensive, but scary and hard haha. I'll take the tests too, and just apply to a lot of different programs in a lot of different grad schools just to cover my bases. But maybe by the time I'm a senior I'll know what I want to do(HA!) and apply to more specific things.
ReplyDeleteI WILL do whatever I want! Also, I'm glad you think I'm better than Blond Ponytail (which is how he will be referred to forevermore. HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?!)
I love them apples. Matt Damon for the win. So funny, my friend didn't know what that saying meant, so after my friends and I gave our definitions, I googled it to be sure that there wasn't a better way to explain it, and when I typed the phrase into the search bar it put in "good will hunting" at the end as a suggestion.
ReplyDelete