I watched Hercules this week but this post was too long to talk about that.

Hey guys!

My first time at the White House since coming to AU.  This is not me.

So, early this week (specifically Friday) I was overloaded with work, or self reflection, or something, and I wrote about being "in a funk."  It was pretty stream-of-conscious-y, but it was a good experience overall.  I decided to include it below in italics, and feel free to read it or not read it.  The part after it was also written on Friday, but it is not as stream-of-conscious-y.

I got these shoes!

Maggie visited me last Wednesday and stayed until yesterday morning, albeit she left very early and I didn't see her after Saturday night.  We had a really great time together--we did lots of fun stuff like go to dinner, go shopping, hang out around campus, and watch TV.  I really admire her, as you all know.  She is a big influence as to why I declared my Enviro Studies major and basically I want to grow up to be her, but with a little more nonprofit involvement.  And married to someone who is not my dad.  Gross.

Anyway, we got AMAZING Thai food with Eleanor, and explored Georgetown (aka got these incredible tiny pies there), and saw some cool presidential portraits (and Henry Clay's!) in the National Portrait Gallery (where else?).  We toured the solemn Holocaust Memorial Museum, where the security guards made weird knife/gun jokes, and went to Dupont where I bought some yarn [despite the fact that three balls are coming in the mail and I'm am in the middle of two other projects.  This is my life, these are my choices (Sassy Gay Friend reference).].

Yarn and at the Thai restaurant.

I had a great moment where I was eating leftover crème brûlée (crazy accent marks!!) and reading the Washington Post advice column.  These are two of my FAVORITE THINGS (almost a Sound of Music quote, I know).  I love advice columns.  I swear to god if someone else had saved the world before I was divinely requested to do so, I would be a book editor and an advice columnist.

My life, as I am adjusting back to actually being an academic human being and finding my group of the most friendly, smart, quirky and generally amazing people, flip flops every day.  Most of the time I wake up and feel totally fulfilled; glad to be pursuing some exciting scholarships, generally succeeding in all my classes, and getting to know some people I really like.

I think what put me in a funk was having to fill out a Merit Profile for my school’s Office of Merit Awards, in the hopes of being nominated for a national scholarship.  Turns out, I have some merit.  A big part of the assignment was filling out your short and long term career goals.  Turns out I have those too, though I had to kind of make up “where I want to go to grad school,” because there is the expectation that we will be going to grad school right after college, and my hope is to get a job.  If my employer helps pay for grad school (which is fairly common), or I get a Fulbright (I will be applying) or another big grant, I would love to do grad school right after earning my bachelor degrees.  But the way my finances are looking right now, I’ll be graduating with more debt than a member of Gamblers’ Anonymous.  I shouldn’t joke about addiction, I’m sorry.

So, why, Rachael, did this put you in a funk?  Great question.  I actually really liked the reflective process of mapping out goals.  Excuse the following paragraph of stream of consciousness and as I try to actually figure out why it put me in a funk.  It made me feel like some of this day-to-day life is kind of pointless, and I really don’t know why.  I’ll try to figure it out and report back.  I guess it made me realize I’m going to be an adult soon, and how “every man is an island,” like I guess I felt like I don’t really have anyone to rely on from day to day.  My parents are far away most of the time (Maggie just visited, more on that soon) and Devin is in Chicago, and I don’t have a tight knit group of friends by any means.  Eleanor and I get along really well (at least from my side) and she reads this blog religiously and living with her has introduced me to a lot of cool people.  And there are a couple girls on my floor I really, really like.  But having that group of people who “are stuck with you”?  There’s nothing better. Like being able to call up Nicole and cry about something that sucks, or discuss politics with Derek, or get tea with Jason.  Just having someone there for you when you need it.  Even if you never need it, it’s nice to know they’re there.  It seems like college is structured for people to have their own lives, which is nice, but maybe it’s sometimes too much independence when I want a chance to be dependent on someone and have someone be dependent on me.  I'm looking forward to visiting Devin in a few weeks for that very reason.

Anyway, honestly this seems like I’m really sad and unfulfilled.  I’m not.  I just hate superficiality.  I want to meet someone I like, snap my fingers, and be best friends.  But it’s okay that it’s not like that.  I have become pretty close with some people, like Valerie, who lives on my floor and is in APO and is, as I like to call her, infallibly nice.  I am getting to know the new pledges in APO and met a really sweet girl named Coral whom I might take as my Little, if I take one/ if she likes me, which she seemed to.  PS Coral is a great name, so if you’re hating, back off.  I loooove that name.  PPS I only talked to this girl for 10 minutes so I can't be sure, but, as Jane Austen's book with this working title proves, First Impressions are always right and never are misguided because of Pride and Prejudice, and I am not a nerd.  Thanks, bye.

My last week was really good.  I think you guys would be impressed by my career goals.  I’m proud of them.  Maybe they won’t come true, but I am glad to at least have an idea of what I’m passionate about (never have had that problem, haha) and a potential path in mind.

Meeting Jeffrey Eugenides last Monday was amazing.  I really admire his work, and shaking the hand of a Pulitzer Prize winner (I have respect for that award, even though I’m not sure how political/popularity-based it is) whose books I really enjoy was totally inspiring.  At the talk before the signing (which I was late for, as I’ll explain soon) he was asked about why the novel is still important.  He said reading a good novel leaves him feeling superior (smarter) than when he started it, like it’s a jolt that connects him to life (I’m paraphrasing, because I hate fake direct quotes, but that’s really close to what he said).  He said he “ha[s]n’t found anything better” than books to understand how people think, and that books are the best “record of human consciousness” we have to offer (ie if aliens came, that would be the best way to understand humans).

Before the signing, I was at a fancy, university-sponsored dinner for sophomores who were chosen for the Early Identification Program, because AU has apparently decided that I (and my peers, including Eleanor) show promise as far as winning national scholarships.  Aka I’m in the top 10% in my school; it has nothing really to do with scholarship prowess.  But anyway we have this Office of Merit Awards (remember the profile I filled out for them? Same people) and they want AU students to win big name scholarships because it makes everyone look good.  Works for me, because I get money.  The dinner was really great; the best part was having a really helpful talk with the two faculty members at my table.  They paired us based on areas of study, so one of them was a Global Environmental Policy buff and the other specialized in African conflict stuff.  Regardless, they gave some good advice in all collegiate areas of life, including scholarship applications, but also just ways to connect with faculty members, which I want to do.

Next week I have to tell you about skyping Murat Kurnaz.  He is super amazing/inspiring/awesome, and I will tell you more next week.

Until then.

-Rachael