It's beginning to look a lot like . . . how October looked.

Greetings, fellow folk literate in the English language! I welcome you back to another college post with  metaphorically open arms. Today I'd like to write you about an event fairly prominent in societies focused on materialistic behaviors. And by that, I mean the game of "Secret San-SNOWFLAKE" (Here at Bates College, we are dedicated to make everyone so politically correct it hurts). Anyways, some people in my Debate team set it up, and so I joined in on the fun.
---Also, if anyone from Bates Debate is reading this (fairly unlikely) please stop, as I am going to divulge who I will be giving my gift to, as well as what it is.---




Anyways, the person I am in charge of buying a present (maximum cost being $5) for is this fine gentleman named Kevin.
Here is the letter I wrote to him for the party:

"Dear Mr. McCandlish,

When I drew your name for the “Secret Santa” gift exchange, I knew 5 basic facts about you.

1. You are in debate.

2. You are known for your extreme kindness (Do not protest, it has been statistically proven).

3. You like sports.

4. You like Scotland.

5. You like "How I Met Your Mother".

Given this finite amount of information, I decided to buy a gift pertaining fact 5, and I will tell you why (although I am fairly certain you do not actually care for an explanation, and would rather just accept your mediocre gift and get on with life. Well tough luck, you must read my letter or I’ll take back my gift):

Fact 1 isn't very personal. If I had gotten you a book on argumentation or debating, it could have been taken the wrong way. For instance, the gift could have been misconstrued as a statement about your debating skills, e.g. “Oh, you should probably read this book on how to debate. It will help you out. A lot. Seriously. Read this.” However, we both realize I am in no place to comment on your debating skills, considering you are a superior debater to me in every way. And a gift that has to do with debate just screams “I know one thing about you and I refuse to acknowledge any other aspect of your interests!” So a debate oriented gift I bought you not.

Fact 2 doesn't really pertain to what TYPE of gift I could get you, but rather that you DESERVE a gift, and preferably a good one (but don’t get your hopes up).Although, considering you are a nice guy, you will probably just pretend to like my gift even if you already have it, find it dull, find it hideously offensive, or just resent me for an undisclosed reason and thus will dislike my gift no matter what it is (which hopefully isn’t true, because if the kindest boy at Bates hates you, it’s reasonable to assume everyone hates you.)

Fact 3 just makes me nervous. I don't understand sports and there are just too many games, teams, rivalries, rules and sports paraphernalia to take into account. Also, being “the weaker sex”, I just can’t wrap my head around such barbaric rituals of men without fainting. Therefore, considering what sports-oriented present to get you is literally impossible. Because I’d faint. Because I’m a woman. Who is inferior. In fact, just thinking about sports makes me a bit weak. You know, because of the whole “being a woman” thing (Yes, I am milking the Mad-Men theme here).   

Fact 4 inspired little creativity. Do I buy him a flag? That seemed impersonal as well. I thought about buying you a kilt, but any kilt that I can buy for five dollars is a kilt YOU DO NOT WANT. Seriously, there are some sketchy kilt vendors out there. Be cautious.

Anyways, I had remembered that you once referenced "How I Met Your Mother" at a tournament. I think you might have been singing “Let’s Go to the Mall”. Anyways, to make sure that you did, in fact, like “How I Met Your Mother”, I checked on your Facebook profile. Please don’t be frightened by the fact I was lurking on your profile, it was for research purposes only.

I remembered that there were a series of humorous books written in the voice of Barney Stinson and decided to buy you "The Playbook" which includes a description of ploys men can use to get women to sleep with them. Now don’t take this gift the wrong way. I’m quite sure you won’t actually NEED to use the ploys, but since the gift exchange is during a "Mad Men" party, I decided that a present that focuses on demeaning women would be apropos.

Your Secret Santa Snowflake (We must be politically correct!),

Nicole Danser

P.S. Like the font? Courier was one of the most prevalent fonts of the 1960s. It quickly became the country's reigning typewriter font due to IBM's dominance in the industry, and because the company failed to trademark the font. Fun fact, eh?" 

So here's the story of how I bought his present:
Ilooked online and found the book new for $3.75, a fair deal, I would say. So I buy it with standard shipping. But that brings it up to about 7 dollars. The gift is still under five dollars though, so it's fine. But then I realize that with standard shipping the book won't come in on time. So I change the order to express shipping, which boosts the price to ten dollars. Still, I let it slide, because it's the holiday season and Kevin is a good guy. Then someone emails me that at a nearby bookstore they're selling the book for like 8 dollars. CURSES! It was already too late to cancel the sale, because it had shipped out. Well, at least the gift was going to arrive on time for Kevin. Right?
CUT TO TWO DAYS LATER. Mom calls me and asks "why is there a book with Barney Stinson in the mail? Did you buy this?" FRACK! The book was sent back home in FREAKING CALIFORNIA instead of MAINE. So I freak out and ask my mom if she can send the book to Bates with express shipping. Mom says sure, but now the book has cost me 15 dollars, although it is valued at less than FOUR DOLLARS.
Fast forward to two days later. I go to my mailbox. The yellow slip is there saying that I have a package (teeheehee) so I go to the package area, wait in line and give the girl at the desk my slip. She hands me a small package (heeheehee) and I start walking back to my dorm. But wait! Something's wrong! Although a yellow sticker says the package is mine, it does not feel as if it holds a book. Alas! This package is not mine at all! I hurry back to the mail room and sort the situation out. Luckily, MY package had not been given to the wrong person. So I got it, opened it up, and happily saw that it was the right book in excellent condition. Now I just need to write a clever letter to Kevin and wrap it in something. I was thinking of shipping receipts.
The "Mad Men" party is on Saturday, my friend, Matt's, birthday. We're supposed to dress up in sort of 60s cocktail attire. I decided to bring along my Prom dress from last year and wear it, as it has sort of a sixties cut and style, although maybe a shorter hemline (oh my!). Some of the debaters are going to good will on Friday to find outfits, so I'll go along to see if I can find anything better and just to spend time with them.

In other news, the weather this past week has been the same as it has been since October, hence the title of the post. Although, we should expect some snow relatively soon, so maybe it will begin to look a lot like Christmas (or rather, Winter. Because, you know, we have to be nondenominational)  . . . or at least a little like Christmas (WINTER!). My roommate Lydia has decorated our room a bit and plays holiday music a lot. I'm also learning holiday songs on my ukulele as well.

I miss you guys a lot and I hope to see you quite a bit during winter break.

- Nicole Danser

P.S. Kevin didn't ever show up to receive his gift. Also, the person who was supposed to give me a gift didn't show up either. SO THAT'S COOL.