Come Here For Sex Jokes. Haha . . . Come.

Once again it's time for me to post exciting stories about my week at Bates College that leave you unsatisfied with your own college experience. However, remembering my past week is very difficult for me. No, not because I black out all weekend long due to excess partying. It's because I have a horrible memory (quite a useful trait for college courses, eh?). Well, I shall try my best to relate my week to you, as I know you adore my posts. As I write this, I envision you greedily reading my words, hungrily scrolling down the page for more information about my life. Ahem. Anyways . . .



Let us begin with Thursday. Thursday is one of my favorite days of the week due to the fact that my first class, Chinese, is at 11 in the morning. After that 1 hour Chinese class with my teacher Professor Miao (pronounced Professor Meow. ) I have lunch with some friends or acquaintances. I like to call them"friends-to-be". They like to call me "creeper" "stalker", or their most used nick-name "How-the-hell-did-you-get-into-my-room?!? I see a close friendship in our future. Anyways, after lunch I do some mucking around (also known as homework) and then I go to my 2:40 class. After class, I have a debate team practice. This particular Thursday, I mustered up enough courage to debate myself. However, things went awry. My debating partner (who was supposed to know what he was doing) flaked on me, saying he didn't understand what our opposition's stance was or anything about the case they gave to us. So I had to go up instead of him and try to piece together an opposition to their piece right as I stood there. It was not a pleasant experience. But it was a learning experience. Which is what college is all about, right? Right!

Friday I woke up for my 8 o'clock class, attended that class, and then headed over to the where the Bates radio station broadcasts from. I listened to my friend, Jack, be the grandest man on the radio, playing music and making PSAs on the importance of eating oranges. He introduced me to his audience (all two listeners) and I said hello. It was a barrel of laughs. The amount of CDs in the that station allows me to peruse them for my favorite artists. I saw that there was a new Priscilla Ahn album out. I uploaded it onto my laptop. Success. I took a Chinese quiz after that. Aced it, of course. Then I did stuff, I believe. Oh, I remember! I went to this see this comedian, Amy Schumer, at Bates. She was hilarious. And a bit crude. And by a bit, I mean a lot. It was awesome.

"What about second breakfast?"
I'm just going to stop you right there, Pippin.
The quesadillas at this fair were 8 bucks.
You get ONE BREAKFAST. And don't even get me started on elevenses.

Saturday I went to the Common Grounds Fair. It was completely different from our OC fair. Completely.  Everywhere I looked I saw men with giant beards, walking barefooted through the mud with their newly purchased squash in hand. There were women in dreadlocks, solar powered smoothie stands, organic produce and, (Drum roll please! No seriously, pat the nearest hard surface. Do it, no one's watching.) hobbit houses for sale! Yeah, I'm guessing it wasn't a surprise, considering you can see a picture of it just to the right of this. While at the fair I interviewed two of the workers/artists for my First Year Seminar class. A very nerve wracking experience for me. For, as you might remember, meeting strangers without being mildly to aggressively awkward is not a skill I possess. So after the fair (and the two hour bus ride home. It's a bit ironic that I rode in a gas-guzzling bus for 4 hours total to go to a fair dedicated to celebrating organic and environmentally friendly lifestyles.) I got dinner with the people I went to the fair with. After a delicious dinner I got in my pajamas and watched "Doctor Horrible's Sing Along Blog" and the newest episode of Doctor Who with my friend Victoria (she has an identical twin who is a professional ballerina. Just thought you'd like to know. Also, she's hot. Both of them. Because they're identical.) Anyways, we had popcorn, goldfish and coke. It was a bonding experience.

Sunday I did a pit load of homework. Haha . . . pit load. I'm sure I did other things, but I cannot remember (yeah, I blacked out due to the fact partying on a Sunday afternoon).

Monday I did things. Homework mostly. And classes. And eating.

Tuesday I was a rebel. I took dessert out of commons (I thought it was against the rules, but someone told me it's just frowned upon.) I then proceeded to do homework. But then, I went out at like 9 o'clock to hang out with Jack. Yeah, ON A SCHOOL NIGHT! We hung out in the quad and this kid Andrew saw us and started talking with us. He's quite a character. Let me tell you how I first met him:

*flashback to a week ago*

Scene: Nicole is sitting at a table with some of her friends from her hall (all males). She is semi-separated from them due to a few empty chairs in between them. Andrew sits down and starts talking to Nicole's hall mates.

Andrew: Oh hey, guys how's it going?
Male hall mates: Yeah, good. What have you been up to?
Andrew: Well other than sleeping and masturbating a ton, not a lot.
*Hall mates look over at Nicole*
*Andrew notices Nicole*
Andrew: Hello, my name is Andrew.
Nicole: I would shake your hand, but after listening to your recent activities, I'm a little wary.
Andrew: You can shake my left hand.
*Handshake*
Nicole: Nice to meet you.

During this meeting, the hall mates were persistently laughing in the background. Needless to say, it was love at first sight.

*flash forward to Tuesday*

So after a good hour of talking, Jack had to leave to do another radio broadcast, and Andrew and I were left to talk about a copious amount of things. Every few minutes people would pass by that he knew, and I would thus meet new "friends-to-be" (Who am I kidding? I don't even remember what they looked like). Anyways, this new character named Karnes (or something) saunters up to us and we start talking. We get up and go to Milt's for a snack (the line was too long, so we left without any food. A sad tale, I know) and then walked around for a bit more. There was a lot of cursing, crude jokes, a story about a kid who died of masturbating (So watch out, Rich. Ah, zing!) and plans to get inebriated on Wednesday night (So, Andrew is probably drunk right now) because "No one ever gets ****ed up on weekdays here!". I got to learn about Andrew's life, philosophy, taste in music/movies/books/tv, and ideas for the future. He went to New Zealand for two months last year. He also got drunk and kissed his (ex) girlfriend's secret lover in the middle of a dance floor and told him "I know it was you." (Godfather 2 reference). So, all in all, a very interesting person. So yes, I was a rebel because I stayed up late (sort of like what I'm doing now).

Wednesday (oh hey, that's today!) I went to my classes, where I got to talk about the livestock industry and this really awesome quote on vegetarians:


"The typical vegetarian is a liberal, white, well-educated middle- or upper-class female who is less likely than the average person to adhere to traditional values."


If you're thinking "That sounds exactly like me!", you are Rachael. Or me. Of course, it couldn't be Rich, because, as we all know, he's not well-educated. Haha! Zing again! No, it's because he's male.


I also debated again today on Placebos and if they should be used normatively by doctors. I was a lot better than last time. The judge wrote down that certain points I made were clever. I was happy, because he's quite the good debater. A MASTER deBATER, you might say (too many masturbation jokes? Or not enough?). We had dinner together with a few of the other debaters. I made a Great Gatsby pun (or maybe it was a play on words). I also took cookies out of Commons again. All in all, a productive day.

I'm sure I could elaborate more on my day. But it's almost midnight. And I'm tired. And this post is long.

Alright.

Bye.

- Nicole Danser