Let's start off talking about how my last week of my freshman went. Oh god, I can already feel myself getting emotion. God damn it, that House and 30 Rock Marathon had me in such a good mood. But here we go, you guys.
On Thursday Jillian and I performed at Evan's memorial service. There was a lot of crying. Not done by me, though. Throughout my career as a student from elementary to high school, I learned I had the inability to keep from crying if something regarding grades upset me. But only if it had to do with my academics(I know, I disgust myself too).
Oddly enough, I could always keep it together and be super calm when faced with a great tragedy, a death, or an accident of some sort (What comes to mind is Rachael getting hit by a car, the death of family members, people fighting etc. I didn't freak out or cry. I just continued on.)
So while everyone around me shed tears or started sobbing in the chapel, I stayed dry eyed so that I could perform well for Evan's memorial.
But first, people stepped up to the microphone and told beautiful stories about Evan. All the stories had the theme of making the people in the pews laugh until it turned into crying. Because we knew the very boy whose stories made us giggle due to his antics and behavior was dead. He would no longer do the things that caused us joy. He was gone.
Well, Jill and I performed the song "Into the West", which is the song that was composed for and played during the credits of "Return of the King". Evan was a big "Lord of the Rings" fan, and the song had to do with passing on, so it was a good song to play. Jill performed on her guitar while I played ukulele and we both sang the song. I created a harmony so that it wouldn't just be both of us singing the melody. I think it added to the performance. But I guess it doesn't really matter if we did well or not, considering where we were.
After the ceremony, we all went to Commons and then Dairy Joy for ice cream. I didn't get anything. Then I packed a bit. Then I met up with some other friends and they wanted Dairy Joy too. So I went again. Once again, I didn't get anything. This might be a metaphor, but I don't know what about.
Anyways, that night there was a party in V1 with a lot of debaters, then a dance (The "Last Chance Dance") where people made out while dancing and made me feel uncomfortable. Then we went back to V1 where I participated in the longest game of beer pong (sans the beer) in my entire life. It just wouldn't end. As 2:00 a.m. approached, I wandered over to V3 to watch Colin play Fifa and then I went to sleep. Life couldn't get more exciting right?
On Friday I packed and packed and packed. I then checked my email during my break from packing and found out I won an award for being the best first year language student. So that's always nice. I also met a bit of Colin's family. Throughout the rest of the week I got to know them better and better. And that was actually really wonderful. After that, I had lunch with some debaters and my friends from Smith and company. It was weird, I was sitting in Commons alone, and then Amy joined me, and then Ben and John joined me, and then Jack and Jordan and Owen and a few other people joined me and I thought "Gosh, I sat down alone and now I'm surrounded by people I like. I have friends." And that was comforting. After that, I packed some more and then had dinner with Colin's fan base (i.e. his extended family and, well, Mark, his mom's ex-boyfriend who is still close friends with Colin). I got to hear hilarious stories about Colin and his family. It was wondrous.
On Saturday, I kicked Colin's ASS at Trivial pursuit, which is actually quite a feat because Colin was a QuizKid! Yep, he was a part of a trivia club. With actual competitions and stuff. AND I BEAT HIM. To be fair, a lot of it was luck. But I won still. So I feel proud. Then I was an usher for the Baccalaureate event. I did this so that I could stay for graduation without being kicked out of my dorm room and denied food from Commons. Then I got Colin to help me with my boxes and got Taylor to drive me to the Storage Facility where I stored said boxes. Saturday night was "Midnight Madness" where all the Seniors partied from 12 until . . .
(Sunday) sunrise, where they all climbed mount David and watched the sun peak out from the horizon. Then they all graduated. Colin's fan base (also including Amy and Taylor) and I sat in the bleachers for graduation. We all shouted "Here, Here!" (It's a debate thing. When audience members like a specific point a debater makes, they scream it.) when Colin came up on stage, and then had lunch together. I got a sun burn on my face. Colin said I looked especially Dutch with my sunburn. Thank you? I don't know... Anyways, after eating and helping Taylor store a few things, I went over to Colin's house and helped him start packing up BECAUSE HE HADN'T STARTED MOVING OUT YET. Then his extended family came over and really got his ass into gear. They got all the packing done in a jiffy and then the "fan base", Taylor, Colin and I drove over to the hotel we were staying in for the night, dropped off our things, and then went to Gritty's for dinner. Then we came back, watched Archer, and fell asleep at like 11:30. Haha. Sleepy heads.
Monday morning was a sad affair. I woke up, got dressed, and then lied back in bed, not wanting the day to start. Not wanting to leave my first year of college behind. Not ready to end it. But then I finally got up and had breakfast with Taylor, Colin and a bit of his family. And by breakfast I mean coffee. I wasn't feeling up for food.
I spotted my taxi in front of the hotel and went back to my hotel room to get my luggage. I packed my things in the trunk then hugged Taylor, Colin's family and Colin goodbye. It was tough saying goodbye to Colin knowing I wouldn't see him at Bates next year. That's what I get for becoming good friends with a senior, I guess. I kept it together, of course, because that's what I do. No need to get weepy and make people feel uncomfortable. But then it was just me and a stranger driving me to the airport, so I silently cried in the back of the car. Then I cried while I walked into the airport. Then I cried as I checked my luggage, waited in line to go through security, and sat waiting to board my plane. It was all silent crying so I didn't call attention to myself. Nicole not calling attention to herself? That's a new one...
Anyways, a few days ago I posted some thoughts on Tumblr about my first year of college ("Nicole has a tumblr?" Yes. "What is it called?" Nope. You have to find it yourself. Which will now be really easy to do since I'm giving you an excerpt from it.). Anyways, I don't really have it in me to re-write a new, spruced up, better version of the post, so I'll just paste it here:
My senior friend, Sammy, was talking to me the other day after graduation and he brought up the fact that while he had to graduate, I still had 3 years of college left (I think the quote went something like “Yeah, but you still have three years left. Fuck you!”. Ah, that master-craftsman of words). I nodded my head in acknowledgement of his opinion but replied that leaving my first year behind is something that makes me sadden so hard that a poem comes out of my face sad. Because even if I come back, a few of my close friends do not. And new Freshmen come in, changing the dynamics of the college, of the debate team, of many things. And I’m going to miss my senior friends fiercely.
Today was the last day I spent with my closest friends from college. We slept over in a hotel room last night, had breakfast this morning and then I left after hugging them and their extended friends and family. I got to know Colin’s family over the past few days, and I really really found myself loving their company. They’re hilarious. But anyways, we had out last goodbyes (Parting words: “Stay weird.” Psssh, like I have a choice) and I kept my cool until I drove away in the taxi when I maybe let slip a few tears. Maybe.
I started mulling over my first year in college, the relationships I’ve fostered with people, the new experiences and mistakes I made, a death of a friend, and how I’m going to deal with missing my friends. At first I was afraid that the people that are important in my life, since they’d be a bit far away, would be removed from my life. I started worrying and an onslaught of nostalgia hit me. I already missed everything I left behind. But after a few quick chats, I realize that the people who are important to me also hold me in importance as well. Just because we won’t see each other very often doesn’t mean we have to stop communicating and being close.
But it’s still a bit upsetting. I’m going to miss people, miss dynamics, miss my first year. And I might be sad for a little while. However, it’s okay not to be okay. And it’s really just a small change that I can handle with some summertime fun and introspection.
I know this year hasn’t gone completely smoothly. And this isn’t even about jumping out of a perfectly good plane, you guys. I made good choices too, though. I swear. I also, with the help of Lexi Green, Taylor, Yvonne, Megan and other strong women (and men) changed my entire view of sexuality, gender, relationships and all that jazz. I am thoroughly impressed with what I’ve learned this year, from inside and out of the classroom.
Anyways, yeah. That's what I had to say. This post has probably been my worst one, but it's because since I got home, I've dreaded reflecting upon my year because it makes me yearn for the past. I just need to stop thinking about it and get on with my Summer, you know? Freshman year was great. I loved it. But I need to look forward and stop dwelling in the past. So let's look at what I get to to:
1. Kauai
2. Vidcon
3. Lake Tahoe
4. Road trip
5. Rachael's camping trip
6. Conservation Internship
7. Hanging with Monique. (swimming, eating, sims, museums?)
8. Tv marathons with Mom
9. Game of Thrones and The Legend of Kora with Nelson
10. Hanging out with friends.
11. Reading. Reading a lot.
12. San Francisco with Taylor?
13. Video Blogging with Rich/Monique
14. Beach, Sun
15. Good Mexican food
and other things....
-Nicole
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